Conversations

Reading and viewing responses to The Lowestoft Conference has been an amazing experience, for someone who by nature fears rejection and disapproval it is an intoxicating and terrifying time. My #coa inner child needs to hear that people like me, that I haven't disappointed or upset them, that the response my actions create is the only measure of whether I am good enough. My slightly more developed self still fears that I may not be good enough, but from the perspective of wanting my intentions to mean as much as my actions, for people to see that it is not my childlike grasping for approval that is important but my hope that other people will benefit from what I hoped to achieve. For most of my life the feeling of not being good enough pervaded every aspect of my external persona - my absolute conviction was that I was indeed not good enough, that I was a bad person and that if people got to know my fears and vulnerabilities they would reject me. And rejection causes shame